Song: Buy Pride and Vanity (Get Fornication Free!)
The more you sin, the more you save! The campaign song for Rikkener's Y-1500 campaign, designed to introduce Indulgences to the unsuspecting people of Den Bosch.
The limitations of AI are nicely illustrated by the lute – I said LUTE! – in the minstrel’s hands.
SONG: BUY PRIDE AND VANITY
RIKKENER: So: the strategy for Y-1500.
You’re going to love this. It’s going to be great
It’s a sneaky peaker, an awareness-raising piece to engage the target demographic. You want it? You want to hear it? Hit it boys! You’re really going to love this.
SONG: Buy Pride and Vanity
Rikkener sings
Get the triple-A, pass to the afterlife.
Access! All! Areas!
To the various
Parts of paradise.
Make it neater for St Peter
And an easier procedure
With no need of any visa
Yes, you get his benediction
And this isn’t any fiction
Cos the treasure you’ve laid up is where rust and moth have nooooo – Jurisdiction.
Buy pride and vanity
Get fornication free.
Buy spite – I’ll guarantee
Time off eternity
Coveting your neighbour’s wife
Stirring matrimonial strife
I’ve got discounts on adulteree
[CHORUS]
Buy sloth and apathy
Wash your conscience clean.
Free your soul for luxury
No guilt, no penalty
Save your soul from deadly sin
The more you lose, the more you win
Cut your time in Purgatory
Guilders for eternal glory
[SPOKEN SALES VOICE OVER MUSIC]:
If your penis
Makes you heenous,
Buy Lust on layaway!
Have it now and pay in time,
No settlement til end of
Fourteen ninety nine!
Are you wrathful or sloathful?
I can see you feeling bothful.
Spoil yourself and have some fun
Take them on a two for one!
Have a treat!
Discounts for repeats.
Join the rave!
The more you sin, the more you save!
[FEMALE VOICE whispered quickly] Side effects may include guilt, shame, self-disgust. [MALE VOICE} Salvation not included. [FEMALE VOICE] No refunds
Buy wrath and gluttony
I’ll comp you avarice.
Wanna slander somebody
You can’t be blamed for this
If envy is your nemesis
Your preference is prejudice
And ya wanna stay as hypocrites
Let’s wipe your record clean!
Buy sloth and apathy
Wash your conscience clean.
Free your soul for luxury
No guilt, no penalty
If salvation’s what you crave
The more you sin the more you’ll save
Cut your time in Purgatory
That’s the story
Guilders for eternal glory!
RIKKENER: I want fifty minstrels to surround the town and sing this song til people are sick to death of hearing it!